I’m getting excited already. Can you feel it? The next Kevin James / Happy Madison vehicle, “Mall Guard”, has just taken a HUGE step towards forever earning its place in future short sentences about the most excruciating films ever made.
Today, the project added Steve Carr to direct the film, and if you’ve never heard of Steve Carr, as I hadn’t before just this second, just take a glance at his star-studded IMDB page. In fact, let me copy and paste his IMDB page for you, in case you clicked on the link and think it mistakenly redirected you to an Onion article about a fictional director of horsesh*t comedies:
How does this guy keep getting work??? I don’t mean Hollywood directing work, I just mean work, as in, completing assigned tasks in exchange for financial compensation? I know “Santa Baby” was great and all, but if my math is correct, this guy isn’t exactly Marty Scorsese, either in terms good-to-bad movie ratio or in terms of actually, literally being the person Marty Scorsese.
As of today, I’m giving “Mall Guard” about a 20% chance of being the worst movie of all time to top $100 million at the box office. That figure may go up or down when the previews of Kevin James farting on the mall Easter train start showing up online, but for now, I’m gonna give “Batman & Robin” and “Norbit” the benefit of the sh*tty doubt and stick with 20%.
Needless to say, I will be attending the sneak preview in my “King of Queens” t-shirt, shouting at the screen and giving every joke a standing ovation.
(via Film Drunk)
