10. Any YouTube Viral Video, Ever – Unless you go balls out and dress as Tay Zonday in drag screaming “Leave Britney Alone!” while humping an Ottoman in choreographed motion as some dude from the Phillipines keeps starting and stopping the music from a boom box while smoking a cigarette, please, spare us the lame Viral Video Freakshow Costumes. Especially if it’s the Star Wars Kid again, dorks.
9. A Character From The Darjeeling Limited – Hey guy that’s been dressing up as Richie Tenenbaum every Halloween for the last 5 years, we get it: you love Wes Anderson‘s quirky characters and you wish your own life were part of his symmetrically-composed retro-world. But before you run out to get your vintage suits and 70′s glasses and head bandages, please try to remember that, as usual, about 87 of your hipster friends also had the same idea. Besides, Darjeeling wasn’t even that good (yeah, I said it).
8. An iPhone – First person I see dressed up like Apple’s latest piece of techno-porn is getting their touch screen tested with my fist. It’s a f*cking cell phone, people. Get over it.
7. Paris In Jail – “OMG, you guys! What if we wear blonde wigs and dress up like Slutty Convicts, and carry around jail bars made of cardboard and say ‘That’s Hot’ all night! Won’t that be so funny and original!?!” No, it will not.
6. Larry Craig – How, exactly, does one dress like a hypocritical Republican Senator who cruises airport men’s rooms for gay sex? As funny of a costume idea as this might seem, it’s one of those things where you’re going to spend the whole night explaining it to everyone while they nod uninterestedly going “Oh, yeah. I get it.” The only way this could work is if you go crazy with it, walking around all night surrounded by a makeshift bathroom stall (Karate Kid-style), and doing jazz hands under it every time anyone walks up to you.
5. A Character From High School Musical – Unless you’re in Junior High, or just strolling around completely naked, this is an unacceptable costume.
4. A Box Where Your D*ck Should Be – I know this is what all your frat brothers are doing, and it’ll be so awesome cause you can dress up like a dude from Color Me Badd and, like, really put your d*ck in a box so chicks will see it when they open the box, then maybe do something with it, but let’s honest here: no girl’s gonna think you’re so hilarious that she’ll have no choice but to give you handy or bob for apples in the middle of a Halloween party. In fact, your gift-wrapped junk might even make people sick, so you could end up with your d*ck and someone else’s puke in a box. Skip it.
3. Imprisoned Katie Holmes – Oh, you crazy couples! Lemme guess, he’s gonna wear a leather jacket, sh*t-eating grin and jump around on any furniture he can find whilst she will be hand-cuffed to him, looking dead-eyed. We’re sure this will be the hit of any party, provided that party is taking place in 2005! It’s time to retire this one, guys, for serious.
2. Crazy Bald Britney – I’ve got a feeling we’re going to be seeing a whole lot of unoriginal people dressed as their best interpretation of the various stages in Britney Spears’ year-long public meltdown, but most of all, it’s going to be people with bald caps, umbrellas and crazy eyes. If you must, at least give us Sad VMA Britney or Britney’s Last Stand In The Quiznos Bathroom.
1. Dead Anna Nicole Smith – Come on, she’s dead. Is a person’s tragic demise, orphaned child, and ensuing media circus with constant depressing reminders of how utterly f*cked up our culture is really something that should be reduced to a jokey Halloween costume? At least give her body a chance to cool before you bust out your “Anna Nicole The Wasted Zombie” ensemble.
