Please file the following item under “Too Good To Be True”. On last week’s episode of The Office, a controversy brewed over who had the best pizza in Scranton: Pizza by Alfredo or Alfredo’s Pizza Cafe. When Michael accidentally ordered from Pizza by Alfredo (the lesser of the two chains; “like eating a hot circle of garbage”), disappointment set in. And thing didn’t improve when the delivery boy wouldn’t accept Michael’s 50 percent off coupon. We all learned a very important lesson last Thursday: Kidnapping the delivery boy will not make him accept your invalid coupon. Nor will it make the pizza any more delicious.
Well, brace yourselves: PIZZA BY ALFREDO IS REAL. Like, REAL REAL. Like, THEY HAVE A WEBSITE WITH A MIDI-FILE THAT PLAYS “THAT’S AMORE.” Our friends over at Gorillamask pointed us towards the Pizza By Alfredo website, that has so many unbelievable goodies, well, it would be a sin not to check it out. For example, they really DO have a 50 percent off coupon that you can print out, only they insist theirs has a “Limit 2″ clause clearly stated. They also have one of the catchier pizza slogans: “You’ve tried the rest, now try Alfredo’s for a change.” (That is so, so good.) And last but not least, they have a letter to their customers, expressing outrage at last week’s episode of the show:
On Thursday night we were anxiously waiting to see the “Office” show that PIZZA BY ALFREDO would be on. So imagine our surprise and HUGE DISAPPOINTMENT AND ANGER when the employees of Dunder Mifflin Paper Comany SLANDERED US on national TV!
Everyone has their favorite pizzeria, but it was news to us that the workers at DM didn’t like our pizza. In partiular, Kevin Malone, who said our pizza was “like eating a hot circle of garbage.” That is completely REDICULOUS AND INACCURATE. In fact,I believe that Kevin Malone indeed has a beef with us not because of how our food tastes but because I have had to ban him from the restaurant.
In fact, other employees of Dunder Mifflin love us (See our Testimonials web-site) and we havehad even named one of our specialty pizzas after the manager of the office Michael Scott. (WE HAVE NOW TAKEN IT OFF THE MENU — especially after he essentially held our delivery driver for that night HOSTAGE. You are lucky that our driver or PIZZA BY ALFREDO did not press charges, Mr. Scott!!!)
Please do not believe everything you see on TV because often there is an agenda and facts are not accurate. If you have any doubt that our pizza is anything other than “GARBAGE,” come on in or order a pizza pie from us! You will not be disappointed! —Tony Sr.
As cheesy (l.o.l.) as their website is, we gotta admit: That’s pretty f**ked up, The Office! This is a real business! And we love that they have a sense of humor about it! Not to mention, their pizza doesn’t even look that bad.
In fact, the more we began tinkering around the Pizza by Alfredo website, the more we fell in love. They make on pizza called the ALSTREMEZZA, which is, wait for it, a plain cheese pizza topped with 18 tiny pizzas. (Which, they insist, is nothing like this.)
Though, to be fair, Alfredo’s Pizza Cafe is also a real place… and their website is like, waaay nicer. Though it is missing that certain something that can only be found on a homemade website, and that something is spelled Midi-File. Tell us your favorite part of the website in the comments — has anybody eaten there?
EDIT: Thanks to our crack team of Doogie Howser like commenters, the site is, indeed, fake. We should have known: That pizza looks waaay too delicious. But where, oh where, did they get pictures of that bagel bite pizza? It doesn’t make any sense!!
