If hilarious stupidity could be quantified and calculated, Radar’s interview with The Hills uber-sleazebag Spencer Pratt would be a monumental acheivement in Quantam Idiotology as inversely brilliant as Einstein’s Theory of Relativity. Everything this guy says is so supremely retarded that it actually somehow circles back around to genius. Here are but a few of the interview’s best Spencer Pratt Thoughtsterpieces:
ON THE ENTREPRENEURIAL SPIRIT: “I’m trying to be a billionaire before 30. Once you find an open market, that’s where you can make billions to trillions of dollars. Every big product, from Proactiv to the Internet—these were things that were just ideas. And I’m a free thinker. There is no box. I’m thinking about ideas that people might think are crazy, and I’m like, this world is crazy, where do you think we are? You want to tell me there’s a planet and there’s a universe, and gravity holding us down? It’s like, okay, I’m crazy then.”
ON BEING FAMOUS FOR NOTHING WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO DO ANYTHING: “I think it’s great that we are here talking. I’m here and I didn’t harm anybody, get in a car accident, didn’t get a DUI, and didn’t assault anybody. I would rather be this hated guy for not doing any harm to anyone physically. I’m here and I have not been racist or homophobic.”
ON GOOD FAME AND BAD FAME: “I would do reality TV forever. It’s so much cooler to have people come up to me and be like, “Spencer Pratt!” and know my name, than to be Orlando Bloom, who’s famous for being some pirate.”
ON TRUE LOVE: “Are you really trying to think Heidi is so crazy that she is brainwashed? She’s in love, I’m in love, we are the happiest we’ve ever been. I would have married Heidi the second I realized who this girl was. She was born and raised in Crested Butte, Colorado. She can’t be tarnished or corrupted like you can in L.A. or New York, she is a pure soul. She is an angel, and I’m honored to be with her.”
ON “BEEF CURTAINS”, AND MORE ABOUT HEIDI NOT BEING BRAINWASHED: “This beef is nothing—real beef is if you harm my family or friends. Bad things were said, and you can’t leave those unanswered. And maybe I got emotional because I am in love with Heidi and these were harsh comments relating to the sweetest person ever who isn’t brainwashed and is totally normal.”
ON THE APOCALYPSE: “I definitely want to go into politics later in my life. I plan to be governor at least, and president if possible.”
ON THE BOTTOM LINE: “The bottom line is I’m making people react and ultimately not think about that we are in a war in Iraq and are trying to pick leaders. The Hills is good breath for people. I do not take it a little bit seriously.”
