We’ll admit it. The only reason we’re posting this bit of news is because when else, in the history of the universe, will we have a chance to type out the following combination of letters and spaces and have it be true: Latoya Jackson Delivers Baby on Freeway. Read it again, the glody and complete madness of the situation. Imagine how the mother must’ve felt, screeching to a halt on the side of the road, her feet soaked in wombwater, her contractions growing closer and more painful. She stumbles out of her car into the bright L.A. sun, only to see a figure approach. Surely, the expectant mother’s first thought was “the grim reaper is here to take my baby.” Her second thought was probs “Oh wait, that’s just Michael Jackson’s sister.” It is then the real fear gripped her by the throat, unable to let go, strangling her livelihood until her little angel fell from betwixt her loins and into the decrepit hands of Molesty-by-Association Jones.

Check out this scene and more on Latoya’s new reality show Armed & Famous, premiering on CBS tomorrow night!