Shark – James Woods plays Johnny Shark, a rugged lawyer/antihero in the city of Floridaburg, a suburb of Miami. He never takes off his sunglasses and presumably gives snappy responses whenever someone questions him about this; e.g., Female Lawyer: “Why are you wearing those glasses indoors?” Shark: “Why are you wearing that hairdo in life?”
Cold Case – The entire world has succumbed to a pale, blurry glow, and it’s up to freewheeling coplawyer Kyra Sedgwick — immune to the glow because it obscures her features and makes her less obviously unattractive — to travel into the even glowier past to turn cases that are cold into ones that are either hot or warm.
CSI - A murder has occurred in a manner so unusual and mysterious, even the adjectives describing the excitement produced by watching said murder are mysterious and difficult to decipher, but that’s not going to stop these seventy-five doctor cops.
CSI: Miami - See above, but with David Caruso in place of ten actors and everyone’s shirts are open two more buttons. “Shark” crossover guest appearance more likely.
Without A Trace – A politician’s daughter has been kidnapped on the eve of Election Day and/or the kid’s birthday, and the finder police are hot on the trail, bending down and looking at the ground where the girl was abducted then coming to some conclusions that the politician is not going to like!
Criminal Minds – Like “Law & Order,” but instead of having order it has minds. Interchangable, uninspiringly attractive characters freely walk between this show and “Without a Trace” because both shows take place in the same giant ant farm.
Kid Nation – I’m not going to be scheduling any activities between 8 and 9 pm on Wednesdays this fall.
