Patrick Cassels from COLLEGEHUMOR brings us the proper way to snare a Friday’s waitress that’s as unique as it is infallible. It’s a god damned true story that we can all definitely relate to — right guys??? (high-fiving friends for next eleven minutes):
The Way I Typically Imagine How Encounters with the Cute Waitress at My Local TGI Friday’s Will Go
Appetizer
- Order blooming onion with French dip.
- Make hilarious comment to cute waitress about your anticipated bad breath.
- Smirk sheepishly as cute waitress giggles at the self-deprecating humor of her new customer.
Drinks
- Order 5 Bud Lights for yourself and friends.
- Follow up with fantastic, “Now that we’ve got me out of the way, what will the rest of you be drinking?!” line.
- Wait for universal laughter from friends; flirtatious, This guy likes to party glance from cute waitress.
Dinner
- Order Pizza Burger (Deluxe).
- Wait for cute waitress to finish taking orders; shout “Spank you very much!” in Ace Ventura voice.
- Graciously accept compliments on your uncanny Jim Carrey impersonation from friends; slip Sam Adams coaster with cute waitress’s phone number into pocket. (ALLLL RIGHTY THEN!)
Dessert
- Order Reese’s “Peanut Butter Cup Explosion Sunday” cake
- When it arrives, smear dessert across face while shouting “Me like cakey! Me like cakey!”
- Bask in uproarious, side-splitting laughter from friends while cute waitress discreetly rubs your erection through blue jeans.
