Chances are, you’ve gone on with your day, not realizing that something unbelievably groundbreaking has occurred: Britney Spears has leaked her latest single — what we’re hoping is an early demo — an untitled number we’ll take the liberty of titling “Re Re Serenade.” Ryan Seacrest debuted the tune on his morning radio show — you can listen to it here — and we gotta say: It out of tune music boxes and the sound of a soul so withered and empty and talentless give you the heeby jeebies, then take a listen and consider your jeeby heebied. The song starts out OK enough, but just as you expect the beat to kick in, or the digital vocals to be brought, you realize… it just continues that way. She even has a talking break!! Sort of like Elvis in “Are You Lonely Tonight?” meets Terri Schiavo on her death bed. (Yes, I went there. I’m angry!)
A contributor at Oh No They Didn’t was kind enough to transcribe the lyrics to us, which we’ve reprinted below… and we’ve taken the time to sort of respond to Britney’s lyrics, or even question them. So ladies and gentlemen, we’d to present our response to Britney Spears’…. Untitled.
Everyday, I’m in a daze
Meth lollies will do that to you sweetie.
Looking for that someone
Sean Preston’s on top of the fridge, and Jayden’s eating grass under the lawnmower.
And everyday, I sit and kneel and pray
Oh, sweet love, can I get some?
So why do you desert me, baby boy?
I need your love right now!
We still can’t decide if she’s begging Kevin Federline to sleep with her again, or chiding her baby boys for not brushing her hair 100 times each morning.
And if you desert me, baby boy
Don’t you leave me in your crowd
OK This next part really exists in the song. It’s just her. Talking into a pantomimed telephone.
Hey baby, what time you gonna get home?
Oh, really?
[Sigh]
Alright, well, I’ll see you later, then
Oh, wait
Would you mind getting some…
In the actual song, she doesn’t specify what she wants her “baby boy” to get her, but we can assume it’s one of four things: Something fried, something brewed, something meth poppy, or boot cleaner.
Yeah, when you come home
Yeah, that’s it
I love you too
Bye
[Singing again]
Some day when you see my face
You will think that you have won
That day happened roughly 14 months ago…
She won’t bring you the sun(son)
This last line is actually so simultaneously deep and infinitely dumb that I… just… can’t talk about it. The good news is, she might be moving to London, giving Shakespeare an ol’ fashioned “rolling over in the grave.”
