The producers of “Lost” have nixed some of the most popular show rumors circulating on the internet, saying that Forest Whitaker has not been offered a two-episode contract, the show will not be movie to the Friday at 9 pm “Death Slot”, and Swedish actor Peter Stormare from “Prison Break” will not be joining the regular cast. But, because this “Lost” layoff is excruciatingly long, blogger like myself have nothing better to do than to constantly make up and coyly deny rumors, so here’s a bunch of other stuff that also won’t be happening in Season Four…….WINK! Or am I really winking?? (Possible Spoiler Alert!)
- Charlie’s mediocre music video will not jump up to #2 on every MTV “All Time Greatest Videos” countdown after his death.
- Sawyer will not make history by being the first person to utter the word “C*ntfarm” on network television when he gives the mysterious “Jacob” a nickname.
- Every single line of dialogue will not, in fact, bizzarely allude to the novel “Philosophyisland” by some obscure author whom people online will point out.
- There will not, as previously reported, be an episode in which the the Locke character continues messing everything up for the people on the island by intentionally flubbing his lines and pulling boom mics into shots.
- The entire show will not turn out to have just been a dream in the mind of Claire’s baby.
- The Smoke Monster will not become a regular cast member with the speaking voice of Robin Williams.
- “Jacob” is not just J.J. Abrams.
- Season 4 will not end with Jack dramatically declaring “It appears that we are truly….LOST,” then staring directly into the camera for seven minutes.
