- You guys… get this: The Lohan family is totes dysfunctchy! Lindsay was drinking at 16, doing drugs by, probably, 11, and is a secret cutter. Now we know how she brought so much passion to her Parent Trap role.
- Ex-Spice Girl Melanie Brown got married
yesterdayin a secret ceremony. (Yesterday, June, who can keep it straight anymore.) We’re just glad little Murphy Brown finally has a daddy. - In other exciting Baby Daddy news… Kevin Federline has filed for physical custody of his two sons. When reached for comment, Sean Preston and Jayden seemed disinterested, as they dangled upsidedown from a rope made out of fishnet and fake hair, while wearing fleece onesies in 100 degree heat.
- Michelle Pfeiffer received a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, and somehow, someway, it looks a million times prettier and younger than all the other sidewalk stars. Note to the Devil who made some sort of perverted deal with her many years ago: Text me!!
- Sarah Jessica Parker loves the way her son smells. Stay tuned for her signature fragrance, “Mysterious Sh*tstank”, along with a really awkward commercial, any day now.
