With more on the earth-shattering, about-as-exciting-as-boobs Lane Garrison story, here’s YEEEAH:
Television actor Lane Garrison was sentenced this afternoon to a 90 day prison “diagnostic” for the drunk driving death of a seventeen-year old Beverly Hills student. TMZ reports
In a stunning ruling, Judge Elden Fox… ordered the former “Prison Break” star to go to state prison for 90 days [so that] shrinks and others [will be able] to determine if he’s a suitable candidate for straight probation. The smart money is now on the judge letting Garrison go free after a mere 3 months in prison.
I could see three months in jail for for piledriving a tree while coked up and drunk off your ass. There’s a law against that sort of shit. But a DUI and killing a kid? And injuring two others? All in one fell swoop? You’d think he’d at least get a goddamn year in jail. Yeah, I get that he’s famous, and I know the law doesn’t fully apply to celebrities, but still. I thought the law had a longer half-life than that. See, “celebrity” weakens the potency of our law in the same way that exponential decay weakens a radioactive material, rendering it less and less powerful over time, where:
ln(2) is the natural logarithm of 2 (approximately 0.693); and λ is the decay constant; and t1 / 2 is the… hey! Boobies! Who likes boobies? It’s Heidi Klum and Marisa Miller! They have boobies! Now do you finally see what I’m getting at here? “Math” and “justice” are clearly just for ugly people without killer tits. Losers!
More of Heidi and Marissa hawking Victoria’s Secret new “It” bra in L.A. after the jump
