Music legend Ike Turner was all set to have a day named after him in St. Louis — that is, until the mayor of the city decided it wasn’t in their best interests to name a day after a man who admits he may have punched ex-wife Tina Turner in the face, but he never beat her. Alas, St. Louis will not be celebrating Ike Turner day. But that doesn’t mean you can’t! Here are 10 easy ways YOU can celebrate Ike Turner Day!
10. Give your daughter Twanna Melby a call. Then wonder how stoned you were when you named her Twanna Melby. (Note: If you do not have a daughter named Twanna Melby, get preggers, have a girl, name her Twanna Melby, and follow this step roughly 20 years from now.)
9. Have sex with a lady — whether she likes it or not. If she doesn’t, shut her up nice and good.
8. Track down Tina Turner’s whereabouts and insist she come home. When she refuses, ask her if she can at least send you $10.
7. Roll down a river.
6. Bake a delicious cake, layer it with icing, write “Happy Ike Turner Day” across the top of it in big letters, then forcefully shove 7 servings of it into the nearest mouth of a loved on. Make sure to get some icing in his or her nose and eyes.
5. Go to your dry-cleaner and get your hair professionally ironed.
4. Punch a woman in the face – don’t beat her though!
3. Convert to Judaism. Mazel Tov, muthaf**ka!
2. Marry an Ikette… then punch her in the face.
1. Three words: Comb! That! Mustache!
(To order your very own cake hat, click here.)
