As a woman of a certain height (7.5 feet tall, to be exact) with an insatiable lust for Asian men, it’s rare that I find a man who can suit my endless needs. So you can imagine my shock, my horror, upon seeing this on the Yahoo homepage:
Yes, ladies, it’s true — the only super-successful tall Chinese athlete living in these here United States, Yao Ming, is GETTING F**KING MARRIED. And worse? To a girl who is both taller and more Asian looking than I am! No, no, no, no this is all wrong.
Her name’s Ye Li (no relation to Ye Li Sobieski), and apparently they were high school sweethearts. She’s a 6’2″ basketball player herself, and it’s been reported that Liu Xiang, an Olympic gold medal-winning hurdler, will act as the master-of-ceremonies.
My plan is to save enough money to fly to China, and on their wedding day, throw my body into the glass doors leading into the ceremony screaming “Yaoooo!! Yaooo!!” a la Dustin Hoffman in The Graduate. Until then, I’ll spend my days using my 8 cats as tear absorbers. That, or I’ll just text Kobe “The Beef” Bryant, as usual. Good day.
