- BECAUSE ONLY POOR PEOPLE LIVE ON SESAME STREET: Britney Spears has started teaching her children the finer things in life, by giving little Sean Preston a miniature Cadillac Escalade. But the cutest part? There’s an 8-inch-tall dead hooker in the trunk! AW!! (Popsugar)
- SHOCK: Nicole Richie is not, in fact, pregnant with a baby. Which is a shame, as she was eating for negative three. (CBS 2)
- PLEASE GOD YES: Is it possible Mario Cantone might take over as the new Co-host on The View? At least Barbara Walters could fulfill all that penis talk she’s dying to get out! (Page Sizzler)
- ACE VENTURA LOOKALIKE OF THE DAY AWARD: Goes to Heath Ledger. (ONTD)
- OPERATION: Jimmy Kimmel‘s appendix finally decides it just can’t live in Kimmel’s body any longer, and demands to be removed by a surgeon. (TMZ)
- THAT EXPLAINS IT: Paris Hilton‘s shrink, Dr. Charles Sophy, is discovered to be a fraud. And not just according to Tom Cruise. (Radar Online)
- BEST CNN HEADLINE EVER: “War vet strangles rabid bobcat with bare hands.” Oh, it’s a video. (CNN)
