While I was browsing the internet today looking for wacky sh*t because it’s literally my job planning some financial investments, I came across this financial advice column written by someone named “Lenny Dykstra,” and after about five seconds of thinking, “what an amazingly unlikely, though humorous, name coincidence,” I blurted out to my own surprise, “oh my god, that really is Lenny Dykstra!”
What blew my mind even more about this story is that it isn’t even news. Lenny Dykstra has been writing this column regularly for several years, past the point where he has to still use baseball puns or include an introductory paragraph that says “You might remember me as the guy who told Mitch Williams ‘I guess we’re not going to Game Seven’ after he gave up the World Series clinching home run to Joe Carter, but I also dabble in stocks!” I work with a bunch of Philly fans, too, and none of them ever thought to mention this to me?
Sure, Lenny Dykstra may have taken so many steroids that his jaw muscles are able crush mouth cancer faster than his chewing tobacco can give it to him, but honestly, is there another athlete you would trust more with your child’s college fund? This is your family we’re talking about here, if you want to hand your money over to Darren Daulton and let him go travelling through time with it, be my guest.
For life insurance, though, I’m gonna turn to The Rock. No, not Prudential. I mean Tim Raines.
