In a recent interview with Canada’s underground punk zine Jam! Showbiz, virtuostic indie rock rebel Avril Lavigne opens up about some of the next steps she’s planning to take in her enigmatic career, plans that include a possible Christmas album (how eeeeevil!) and her desire to get more seriously into movie acting. Like the Bowie of SkaterBoi-loving angst princesses, Lavigne continues to define her supreme originality with these kinds of unpredictable career choices. And now, through our shadowy network of Artistic Genius Management operatives, BWE.tv has obtained EXCLUSIVE notes from a recent brainstorming session held by Avril and her team of brilliance-enablers. These include possible tracks she might record for the aforementioned Christmas album, as well as some pitch ideas for movies worthy of an actress of her caliber.
“Merry F*cking Christmas, with Avril Lavigne”“All I Want For Christmas Is My Legitimacy”
“Rudarkness, the Emo Reindeer”
“I’ll Be Home For Christmas, In My Room (So Leave Me The F*ck Alone DAD!)”
“Violent Night”
“I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa-Claus, Like The Lame Suburban Whore She Is”
“A-wasted In A Manger, I Puked On The Baby Jesus”
“Deck The Malls (With Boys At Hot Topic)”
“The Little Drummer Boy Is Hot, So I Gave Him A BJ”
After the jump, Movie Ideas That Would Be Perfect For Avril!
“Crossroads 2: Edgy and Authentic This Time”This would be almost identical in story and structure to Britney Spears’ 2002 box office failure, telling the story of “three childhood best friends and a guy they just met who take a trip across the country, finding themselves and their friendship in the process”. Except, you know, they would dress more punky, listen to Good Charlotte, smoke cigarettes outside of shopping malls, and flip people off a lot and stuff.
Avril
A biopic in the tradition of Ray and Walk The Line, telling the story of Avril overcoming her oppressive suburban upbringing in her meteoric rise to punk rock stardom, the obstacles she encountered once she got there (staying “indie” and “authentic” as a millionaire, her addictions to light cigarettes and Mike’s Hard Lemonade, the ups and downs of dating her entire band before setting on that dude from Sum 41, etc), then her triumphant return to the top of the pop charts and her subsequent acceptance of going down in history as one of rock’s great legends.
Anything Directed By Zach BraffDoesn’t even matter the project is, we just think his totally cutting-edge musical sensibility and directorial style would be the perfect match for Avril’s own brand of originality. If Braff agrees, we should definitely try to get him to write a scene in the movie in which one of the characters says “this song will change your life”, and then plays “Girlfriend” for them while they stare introspectively into the distance.
