- Presidential hopeful Barack Obama is warning of a “quiet riot” among American black people who have become disenfranchised with the government. Meanwhile, I’m warning of Quiet Riot, an 80′s metal band that will make you want to stay up in your trailer, doing meth and drinking beers for days on end.
- Can someone tell the London Olympics people that they’re supposed to be planning The Olympics, and not a rave party?
- Medical organizations are reporting a rare new form of insomnia that causes people to engage in sexual activity in their sleep, with no recollection the following morning, which is also known to me as “Saturday night”.
- NYC Mayor Michael Bloomberg responds to reports of a JFK terror plot by telling New Yorkers to stop being such p*ssies and freaking out about every stupid headline The Post tries to terrify them with. You hear that, terrorists? Go f*ck yourselves!.
- Some hot teen pole vaulter’s parents seem to be pissed off about how hot she is.
