- Alex Rodriguez had a crazy week, going 4 for 22 with a home run, seven walks, five runs scored, and two runs batted in. Oh, also, he did this and this. No biggie.
- LeBron James turned in a legendary 48-point performance in Game 5 of the Eastern Conference Finals to give the Cleveland Cavaliers a 3-2 series lead over the Detroit Pistons. Detroit head coach Flip Saunders explained the defeat, saying “We figured Zydrunas Ilgauskas was due, so we made sure to triple team him all game.”
- After their 1-0 victory Wednesday night, the Anaheim Ducks are up two games to none on the Ottawa Senators in the Stanley Cup Finals. Sorry, Canada, but the Stanley Cup appears to be headed where it has always rightfully belonged – southern California.
- Heavyweight boxer Antonio Tarver – aka Mason “The Line” Dixon from “Rocky Balboa” – now claims that he was drugged before a fight last June when he was KO’d by Bernard Hopkins. Authorities are speculating that this may be the work of the same person who drugged Dirk Nowitzki before the Golden State series a few weeks ago, and has also been drugging the Cubs for the last ninety years.
- Billy Donovan, head coach of the back-to-back National Champion Florida Gators basketball team, is leaving the college ranks to coach the Orlando Magic. At his press conference, Donovan exclaimed, “I cannot wait to follow in the footsteps of other great college coaches who have turned pro – Pete Carroll with the Patriots, Steve Spurrier with the Redskins…” Donovan then paused in horror for five minutes, then sheepishly asked, “Can I have my college job back?”
