Today, the results from an extremely scientific poll were revealed, ranking the Top 10 Hottest Hunks here on Planet Earth (note the glaring omission of Glorgon X72i from Planet Byort), and the results were less than surprising: Orlando Bloom took the top spot, followed by Brad Pitt, Tyrese Gibson, Aaron Eckhart, and Josh Duhamel, among others. Sure these guys are all hot, and yes, I’ve always had a serious thing for Matt Damon ever since The Talented Mr. Ripley, but the list is pretty boring, a jumble of himbos most smart ladies lost interest in long ago.
Where were the nerds, the thinking girls crushes? Where were the boys that had more to offer than rock-solid pectorals and a waxy smile? You know — the ones that made you think, made you laugh, and as a result, made you pine?
We took it upon ourselves to conduct our OWN poll, gathering up data from dozens of nerdy lady friends of ours, using our Oreo cookie abacus to crunch the numbers, and are proud to present you with these results. The following is a list of men that nerd girls live and die for, aka The Top 15 Sexiest Nerd Boys. (Because there are more than 10.)
15. Hugh Laurie. Nothing says “sexy” like a Cambridge graduate who made his name primarily as a comedic actor, starring alongside Rowan Atkinson on the legendary show Blackadder, who has somehow managed to catapult himself to stateside fame on his hit show House. Plus, he suffers from clinical depression… and if there’s one thing a smart girl loves, it’s a guy who’s really f**ked in the brain.
14. Topher Grace. This lanky teen with the huge, thirsty eyes became an overnight success as the funny, wry Eric Forman on That 70′s Show. And even when he’s playing a sort of minor d-bag, as he did in In Good Company, he underlying hipsterness still proudly shines through. Bonus fact: When he was little, Chloe Sevigny was his babysitter. You don’t get much more cool indie cred that that.
13. The South Park Guys. Who wouldn’t want to be the meat in between these toasted heroes? The duo, made up of Trey Parker and Matt Stone, manage to combine that “maniac genius vibe” (Towelie, anybody?) with a pinch of “we don’t take ourselves too seriously” — and throw that combination into an old-timey computer, punch some buttons, wait 15 minutes, and you know what the little receipt at the end of the process is going to read? Sexy.
12. Donald Faison. Most of you first fell in love with Donald as Dionne‘s ultra-supportive boyfy Murray in the 1995 classic Clueless. But as Dr. Turk on the hit show Scrubs, he manages to reach Zach Braff‘s level of zaniness without all that added smarminess. And while his current relationship with former Jessica Simpson assistant CaCee Cobb is nearly enough to throw him off of that list, his grin won us over and, well, here he is.
11. Flight of the Conchords. 2 Men. 2 Guitars. 2 New Zealand accents. 2 Shaggy haircuts An upcoming series on HBO. Multiply those numbers together and you get: 2 Hot Hot Nerdy Crushes. Add them as Myspace friends, send them a million love comments, and check out their HBO pilot here.
After the jump, check out our TOP 10 Sexiest Nerd Boys!
10. Jason Schwartzman. DUHHH. Possibly one of the most classic nerd crushed of all time. Do you remember that feeling you got after watching Rushmore, that light, fuzzy feeling inside where you just couldn’t stop thinking about him all. the. time., then you go home to stalk him online, your little secret discovery man, only to find out his mom was in Rocky and his Uncle is Francy Ford Coppy? That was funny. In the meantown, this tiny, sweet-faced actor has left us begging for more, churning out only a couple of movies over the past few years (stay tuned for The Darjeeling Limited). But hey — he’s in a band! Hott.
9. Will Arnett. One of the most hilarious men who used to be on the best television show. Funny in interviews. Tall. Amazing voice. Married (boo) to a hilarious lady (yay). And yes, his show was cancelled. But Arnett fans need to seriously chill: HE HAS 17 UPCOMING PROJECTS. But to us, he will always be Gob.
8. Mos Def. An incredible rapper, and an equally astounding actor, we’ve come to know and love that sweet face under that shiny bald head. Also? He’s the only rapper that skateboards. Do we ♥ Mos Def? The answer is in his name.
7. Ewan McGregor. Probably the flat-out hunkiest guy on this list, Ewan is a nerds dream come true. Let’s kick it off with the fact that he played a young Obi-Wan Kenobi in the first three Star Wars movies. Nothing says hotness like a man so confident in his masculinity, he has no problems wearing skirts, or talking about package-enhancing underwear. Ewan is one of the few actors in the world who can freely make out with men on camera while wearing a speedskating costume made out of feathers, and yet manage to stay so, so very manly (like driving his motorcycle for months ag a time). He’ll also flash his wang at the drop of a hat, which is a plus.
6. Wes Anderson. King of the nerds. That is all.
5. Louis Theroux. Many of you may not be familiar with Louis Theroux, the Oxford educated son of author Paul Theroux who made a name for himself as a British television presenter. Many years ago, he made appearances on the Michael Moore show TV Nation, and briefly had a spot on Bravo with his show Weird Weekends, a weird combination of The Daily Show and Penn & Teller‘s Bulllsh*t before either show existed.. Lately, you hear very little about this adorable bespeckled Brit stateside, though he’s still going strong over in England, making documentaries such as this one, The Most Hated Family in America. Check it out, and have fun swooning the rest of the weekend.
4. Daniel Radcliffe. While placing a 17-year-old on a list of “hunks” is a lil’ inappropes, because Dan has already had public erections on stage during the Equus production, technically this doesn’t seem to be pushing any boundaries. And even though Dan has grown from boy to slightly taller boy before our very eyes, he’s got all the makings of a nerd heartthrob: Sweet, quiet personality, pasty skin, lanky limbs, soft British accent, and hundreds of millions of dollars. Check out this pic, but be warned of his superfluous bulge.
3. Masi Oka. Is Masi Oka the best part about Heroes? Clearly. Let the fellas save their cheerleader. Nerd ladies want to spoon Masi. For God’s sake, he was plucked from obscurity while working at George Lucas‘ ILM to become one of the most recognizable faces on television. Masi also has a large part in an upcoming movie about our favorite sport, ping-pong, called Balls of Fury, alongside Christopher Walken. Get in on Masi now before the fame goes to his head and he’s blowing rails with Adrien Grenier.
2. John Krasinski. It’s sort of hard to preach to the converted when it comes to John Krasinski, aka Lanky Brewster, i.e. Jim from The Office. Most of you already know he went to Brown, interned at Conan, is tall, blue-eyed and floppy-haired, and now holds his own comedically and otherwise as part of one of the best American sitcoms ever. The bad news: He’s already been on People‘s sexiest list, meaning you will never, ever date him. But hey! No need to throw out that 6-foot tall cardboard cut-out of him you were planning on taking to prom! Send it over here, we’ll laminate it and read him your pen pal letters. Huh? Sigh. We have no idea anymore.
1. Jon Stewart. What else is there to say? The guy gets hotter with age, is as brilliant as anybody on television right now, funnier than 99 percent of the human beings on the face of the earth, and has turned a nighttime gig as the Daily Show host on Comedy Central into an Emmy-winning bonanza that has given the real news a run for its money. Sadly, he’s married… but that’s OK. You can still date guys who wear t-shirts encouraging him to run for President, if that sort of thing doesn’t embarass you. Jon Stewart is the epitome of nerdy hotness, and we encourage you to agree with us.
UPDATE: Here’s a list of many of your suggestions left in the comments that we overlooked. I will keep updating this list until all of us have created the ultimate guide to hot nerdy boys.
