As a child of the 80s, I was blessed with a menagerie of hilarious and amazing toys: Glow Worm, Pee-Wee’s Actual Playhouse, Popples. Wholesome toys, toys that didn’t come equipped with a thong and condom accessories. Popular toys today seem to have all of the imagination of a pedophile’s home movie collection, with little girls sluttin’ it up right under their parents’ noses. Where are the days of old? The days of wholesome toys and fun imagination times? Like back in 1978, when two kids could have fun feeding and milking a fake cow. A cow named, say, Milky the Marvelous Milking Cow from 1978?
Now, if Milky could produce a White Russian out of that disgusting toxic teat of his, I’d be much more willing to drop 100 bones on it.
