Thanks to the good folks at Elizabeth Arden, the world has been vastly improved by the advent of Midnight Fantasy Britney Spears, an online marketing campaign to promote a new frangrance by allowing people like you and I to visit a cheesy website and get a “personalized” voice message from Britney Spears! As I’m sure you’re unable to wrap your mind around how a little old person like yourself could be on the receiving end of a whispered thought massage from THE Britney Spears, allow me to run you through the Mad Lib-esque “personalization” process:
- Step One: Enter your name, sex, and the name of the person you’d like Brit to talk to.
- Step Two: Describe your friend (btw, the only available adjectives are “Cool” and “Hot” – and they can’t be both.)
- Step Three: Enter your friend’s location, and what they like to do (actual options include “Hooking Up With Playas”, “Flexing In the Mirror”, and “Getting Piercings”)
- NOTE: This is where I cease to even begin to understand what in the hell is going on here.
- Step Four: Describe “what” your friend is (A Gorgeous God? A Wicked Warrior? A Bachelor?) and “who” he meets (An Exotic Enchantress? A Luscious Lass? A Naughty Nymph?)
- Step Five: I’m really not sure, but it has something to do with massage oil and picking the end of the weird story.
- Step Six: Listen to Britney whisper and giggle her way through some kind of fantasy role-playing porno fairytale thing and pimp her perfume.
Honestly, I was hoping for a 3am drunk dial in which Britney begs me to tell her she’s still pretty while crunching on Cheetohs and burping up Smirnoff Ice.
