After making a name for herself as a rite of sexual passage for every hair metal has-been with a hit song between 1983 and 1989, Carmen Electra is using her pseudo-celebrity sex appeal for a much greater purpose: selling “the world’s first weight loss beauty pill”. So if any of you ladies have low self-esteem, feel fat and ugly, and are willing to do whatever is necessary to conform to the unrealistic expections society has placed on your appearance, there are now drugs you can buy that will magically transform you into a sultry sex object for eyeliner-wearing unemployed rockstars, just like Carmen Electra! This miracle drug is available for $49.99 a bottle, and can be found right next to Anna Nicole’s TrimSpa at any store selling useless products that don’t work. Side effects may include nausea, night terrors, mental retardation, manic depression, anorexia, bulimia, nymphomania, syphillis, herpes, loss of dignity and respect, low self-esteem, sex tape appearances, constant burning sensations, and ending up in a ridiculous marriage to some guy with lots of tattoos whose entire vocabulary consists of the words “dude”, “party” and “rock”. But you could also enjoy the same successul results of the product’s very first customer – Pamela Anderson Lee Rock!