Dr. Chester J. Crockerpot is an unlicensed, unaccredited, amateur psychoanalyst specializing in celebrity conjecture. He has never been to college, and has yet to receive his high school diploma. Dr. Crockerpot periodically sends us non-medical psychoanalytical assessments of people he sees on the television at the 24-hour diner on East 77th St.
Patient: Donald J. Trump
Age: 60
Occupation: Suit Wearer, Important-Seeming Business Guy
Hair: Amazing
Observed Behaviors: Slapping his name on everything he can, arbitrarily firing people on national television, taking his retarded reality show seriously, public finger-pointing over failure of spin-off show, making creepy comments about his daughter, crowning a coke whore Miss USA, picking childish fights with Rosie O’Donnell, generally being an all-around ass clown.
Clinical Anyalysis: Mr. Trump exhibits traits of extreme narcissicm, severe delusions of grandeur, borderline personality disorder, sociopathic tendencies, obsessive compulsive disorder, general sleaziness, and the pathological need to overcompensate for what has to be the smallest penis in recorded human history. It is my unprofessional medical opinion that Mr. Trump harbors a deep-seated hatred of women, particularly powerful women, that likely stems from an unpleasant experience in his childhood, probably an incident involving his mother discovering his compulsive need to mastubate while repeating his own name.
Suggested Treatment: Publicly admitting to the world, and to himself, that he is just a frightened, embarassed little boy hiding in a man’s body that just so happens to have terrible hair. Enzyte Natural Male Enhancement medication.
