It’s only the third day of our 10 Best 10 Best Lists of 2006, but we’ve already tackled two of the biggest issues yet: The Top 10 Celebrity Body Parts of the year and the Top 10 Reasons to Hate Singing & Dancing in 2006. Today we’re shifting our attention to the big screen and counting down the 10 Best Movie Cliches of the year. If it was in theaters at some point during the past 12 months, chances are it’s on this list. Not The Lake House, though. We missed that one.
10. ‘The’ Movies are the new ‘The’ Bands
Way back in 2001 everybody was talking about the influx of ‘The’ bands that came popping out of the woodwork. The Strokes, The White Stripes, The Hives and The Vines ushered in a new wave of music that people were excited about (for approximately 9-15 months.) This year, we were treated to a whole new batch of The ______s in theaters. The Illusionist, The Marine, The Queen, The Guardian, The Sentinal, The Benchwarmers, and The Departed were just a few. Let’s hope that this trend disappears faster than those “Get Free” guys.
9. Sequels that nobody everybody’s been waiting for!
Every year we’re blessed with a bunch of sequels that are guaranteed to a) make a lot of money and b) be terrible. In 2006, though, they added another item to the list: c) make sure it’s a sequel to a franchise that should’ve died years ago. How else could you explain Basic Instinct II? Why else would Sylvester Stallone release Rocky VI? Did anybody else really expect a Van Wilder 2 nearly four years after the original? Hey, we even had Superman Return. What’s left? I’m shocked there wasn’t a Short Circuit III. Maybe next year.
8. Talking animals, people. Talking! Animals!
Over The Hedge: talking rodents. Happy Feet: talking penguins. Barnyard: talking farm animals. Ant Bully: talking ants. Sadly, most of the dialogue spoken by animated animals in 2006 was probably better than most of the dialogue spoken by actual people. Writers in Hollywood might want to get on that.
7. Eugene Levy. Again.
Okay, does Eugene Levy have a gambling problem or something? Does he owe somebody a lot of money? Does he know he’s allowed to turn down roles? In 2006 the Thickly Eyebrowed One added another 4 movies to his IMDB profile: Curious George, Over The Hedge, For Your Consideration and American Pie 5: The Naked Mile. Believe it or not, right now his 2007 schedule is wide open… that is, until somebody writes The Man 2.
6. Get that thing off that plane
United 93 and Snakes On A Plane, though incredibly different in tone, were essentially about the same thing: it’s never good when you have bad s**t going down on a plane.
5. Big funny comedies… without the funny
Nacho Libre, School For Scoundrels, Click, My Super Ex-Girlfriend, Tenacious D: The Pick of Destiny, and even Talladega Nights let us down just a little bit this year. The only comedy we could count on for a real laugh was the one with that hilarious comedian taking on a stereotypically offensive role and interacting with people who don’t know what to do: Larry The Cable Guy: Health Inspector.
4. Big Budget Letdowns
The Da Vinci Code? More like, The Da Vinci No! MI:3? More like MI: Not me! Poseidon? More like… um… Pose-I-Don’t want to go see that movie. You get the idea. Big budget movies blew worse than bad puns in 2006. Except for Casino Royale, of course. That was Casino Roy-eally good. Okay, I’ll stop now.
3. The devil is so hot right now
The devil was everywhere in 2006. He wore Prada, he hung out with Daniel Johnston, and he made a cameo in The Omen. If he keeps this up, maybe someday he’ll be as prolific as Eugene Levy. Nahhh… not even the devil could pull that off.
2. Singing and dancing and singing and dancing! Hooray!
If Hollywood is serious about bringing back the musical– and based on Idlewild, Dreamgirls, and Happy Feet, I think they are– maybe they could throw the men in this country a bone and bring back the western too. No, Brokeback Mountain didn’t count. Try again.
1. Movie magic was so… Magical!
In 2006, movie magic made us believe that Cars could talk. It made us believe that Santa had an Escape Clause, that Miami was still in need of a Vice squad, that Dane Cook was the Employee Of The Month and that we have a problem with motherf**king Snakes on our motherf**king Planes. Movie magic did so much this year… but it somehow managed to still not make the two movies about magic, The Prestige & The Illusionist, look the least bit interesting. Huh. I guess that’s Hollywood for you.
