Yesterday we counted down the 10 Best Celebrity Body Parts of 2006; today we’re going to take a step away from the superficial and base our list on something other than perky nipples and chiseled abs: talent. Or, in the case of the 10 Best Reasons To Hate Singing & Dancing in 2006, lack of talent. Let’s get started.
10. Tom Cruise gets down on BET
He was the world’s best pilot in Top Gun. The best bartender in Cocktail. The best samurai in The Last Samurai and the best secret agent in Mission Impossible. But all of that pales in comparison to his portrayal of the world’s best awkward white guy dancing on BET.
9. K-Fed Plays With Fire, destroys our eardrums
If someone releases a terrible album and nobody listens to it, was it ever released at all? The answer is yes, and believe it or not thousands of people actually went out and bought Kevin Federline’s debut one and only album. Presumably, half of these people purchased it as a joke, and the other half as a test of endurance.
8. Bob Dylan’s music gets the musical treatment
How does it feel to be on your own, with no direction home, like a complete unknown, like a rolling stone? We have no idea, but we’d imagine it feels better than having to watch this painful clip from The View over and over and over again. The Times They Are A-Changin rolled off Broadway faster than you could say “Blowin’ In The Wind.” Or just “That blew.”
7. Emma Thompson impresses the Academy by pole dancing on Ellen
By acting like a stripper on Ellen, Emma Thompson became the sexiest Howards End cast member to ever pole dance on a syndicated daytime talk show. Well… other than Anthony Hopkins, of course.
6. Katherine McPhee. Period.
This year on Access Hollywood, American Idol runner-up Katherine McPhee proved that she’s way different than Whitney Houston. Whitney’s a crack-head, Katherine’s bulimic. Whitney can sing, Katherine… yeah, not so much.
5. David Hasselhoff forces women into his car
When The Hoff tells you to jump into his car, you’d better jump into his car. It might be the only way to get him to stop singing.
4. Clay Aiken surprises a fan, creeps out the world
We’re not sure what the scariest thing about this clip is: the kid’s reaction when Clay hits the stage, Clay’s resemblance to K.D. Lang, or the fact that we’ll never know what it’s like to experience that kind of joy. We can’t put our finger on it. Not that we’d want to. Eww.
3. Little Superstar dances into our nightmares
Some people think this viral video sensation was the best thing to happen to dancing this year. Clearly those people have never woken up in a pool of their own sweat, worrying that Little Superstar was out to get them. Which he is. We just know he is.
2. Faith Hill shows us what happens when people stop acting polite, start getting real
It was the moment we’ve all been waiting for– a diva’s temper tantrum caught on camera during a live awards show. Was the whole thing really a big joke, like Faith claims? We don’t care. Faith Hill’s live reaction at the CMA’s was the first thing to make us care about country music since… well, since Faith Hill.
1. Paris Hilton sings, grinds, and ruins summer in a single music video
That just about sums it up, don’t you think?
Make sure you check back here tomorrow for another one of our 10 Best 10 Best Lists of 2006!
