The next time Paris Hilton bangs a sleazy dude in the bathroom of Hyde after downing a dozen Redbull & vodkas there’s a good chance she won’t just be doing it for pleasure– she’ll be doing it to procreate.
That’s right people… buckle up…. Paris Hilton wants to be a mother. A MIPF, if you will (MIPF= mother I’ve probably f**ked.) According to Hollywood Rag, Paris told Life & Style Weekly “It’s been my dream to have four babies by 30. I look after animals, so I’d have a lot to give my kids.”
That quote makes my brain hurt.
Let’s start with the four babies by 30 part. Paris knows that babies take 9 months to make, right? You can’t just buy one on Rodeo Drive, or borrow one from Britney and not return it. Actually… she probably could. Nevermind. Okay, four babies by 30 may not be so hard after all.
“I look after animals, so I’d have a lot to give my kids.” Now, I’m not sure if Paris saying “besides herpes, I’d also give my kids animals to play with” or “I know exactly how to take care of kids– make sure you take them outside to crap 3 times a day, and when you go leave them in the car to go shopping don’t forget to leave the window open a crack.” Either way, we have to stop her. I’m not sure how, but we need to come together as a society and make sure that the only thing coming out of Paris’ vagina are the D-list celebrities that are going in.
Forget about Iraq– we need a study group to get on this NOW.
