- If there’s one gift you need to get your kid this holiday season, it’s the Lindsay Lohan doll. Comes with a fur coat, velvet rope, and her own “SUV party limo” with a hot tub and a bar. Recommended for ages 6-12 (seriously). Years of therapy to undo the severe warping of your child’s values system not included.
- It’s been a long road of couch-jumping, faux declarations of love, doing handstands on motorcycles, impregnation, child-birth, brokering of said child’s pictures, soccer practices and so on, and now, finally, Tom Cruise has married Katie Holmes. Do you believe him NOW? Here’s a picture. How about now? Me either.
- Rod Stewart’s daughter Kimberly is insisting to the press that she does not have a serious liver disease from drinking too much, as her dad had previously reported, and that for future media attention reference, we should listen only to her publicist, and not her father, who has a big mouth, and god I need a drink right now.
- Michael Richards, the actor who played TV’s beloved Kramer on Seinfeld, launched into a shocking and horrifying racial tirade during a recent stand-up comedy performance. I guess this is kind of like The Soup Nazi, except way more disturbing, way less soupy and, you know, for real.
- And thus concludes another weekend, another celebrity wedding, and of course, another Paris Hilton nipple emancipation.
