The document wranglers over at The Smoking Gun have obtained a copy of Kevin Federline’s Hospitality Rider, which lists his various demands for the backstage area of his under-attended live performances. While the contents are not particularly surprising (Doritos, cigarettes, Vodka & Red Bull, etc.), what you might not know is this is only the FIRST page of the rider. Through our shadowy network of backstage operatives, BWE.tv has managed to obtain the SECOND page of the document, from which we will share a few of K-Fed’s additional demands:

KEVIN REQUIRES:

A minimum of fifty (50) audience members, paying or otherwise; AND
At least three (3) of which who genuinely want to be there and swear they are not attending to be ironic or funny
One (1) more chance to change Britney’s mind; OR
One (1) capable Divorce Lawyer willing to work pro bono, or in exchange for royalties from sale of future rap songs; OR
One (1) female with functioning genitalia who will voluntarily pleasure Kevin; OR
One (1) paid female escort who will pleasure Kevin for compensation; OR
One (1) porno movie, with no plot, and a few weeks’ worth of Kleenex

ABSOLUTELY NO:

Heckling, Name-Calling, Insult-Hurling, or Any Other Verbal or Physical Abuse
Fed-Ex packages or logos anywhere, ever
Challenges to Battle by means of Rapping
Posting negative reviews of the show on Craigslist
Use of the phrase “Vanilla Ice”
Discussion of Kevin’s future plans
Text messaging of any sort