- The Most Beautiful Rainbow Coalition Evs© is set to grow as Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt have filed to adopt an Indian baby. Not to be outdone, Madonna plans a gang-breastfeed for every orphan in The Gambia.
- Naomi Campbell finally gets what she deserves, and spends a night in jail on suspicion of assault… until she was finally released on suspicion on fabulousness.
- Residents of Austin, TX are begging Lance Armstrong to clean his prized swimming hole. Hunh, sounds like something Matthew McConaughey wouldn’t really mind either.
- Arizona Cardinals Quarterback Matt Leinart welcomes the NFL’s MVB (Most Valuable Bastard) to the world, with the birth of baby boy Cole.
- Paris Hilton is voted the celebrity the world would most like to see die in a horror movie. No word is she’s in talks for the upcoming Wes Craven thriller Coke-Addled Rexie Debutante Skank-Killers.
