- K-Fed, possibly worrying about maintaining his Gamma Male dominance while on tour to support his ill-fated album, has forbidden Britney from hiring any male back-up dancers, lest one of them take a page from his own gold-digging playbook and insemintate their way to fame and fortune.
- Anna Nicole Smith’s lawyer has dropped his client, saying he completely supports the embattled bombshell, but he just received a call from Satan, who’s apparently been picked up on DUI charges (again).
- Nicole Kidman reportedly helped calm Katie Holmes’ pre-wedding jitters, softly cooing to her, “Don’t worry sweetie. I know he’s weird, but at least you’ll never have to have sex with him.”
- The Simpson Sisters are warning people about the dangers of plastic surgery, which is pretty much the equivalent of Mel Gibson telling you not to drink and drive.
- Dear Sienna Miller: When in “Shittsburgh”, do as the “Shittsburghers” do. Do NOT stomp your feet and pull a “Do you know who I am?”
