- Overcome with an “In ‘N Out” craving of a different kind, a drunken Paris Hilton hopped into her car and got a DUI, shocking precisely no people, and providing publicist Elliot Mintz with yet another embarassment that he can somehow use to make her more famous.
- Local news reporters launched a campaign of hilarity this week, with Flaming Cockroach-Phobic Weatherman and Bodyslammed Field Reporter triumphantly leading the way.
- Ellen DeGeneres must be hitting the bong she gave K-Fed, because her woefully idiotic observational humor pondering “the whole blog deal” managed to turn the entire Internet into comedy’s new “airplane food”, all before the first commercial break.
- Suri Cruise finally showed herself to the world this week, and even though she’s the chemically-manufactured emo-haired Asian fake baby of a whacked out closet case and his brainwashed beard pseudo-wife, we just can’t help loving her to bits.
- After ripping a page from her sister’s playbook and lip-synching on TV, Jessica Simpson somehow succeeds in doing something even more pathetic than getting blown off by John Mayer.
- Judging by her first film role, Kate Moss is way better at blowing lines with rockstar junkies than she is at acting.
- The Crocodile Hunter’s tragic demise makes us all yell “Crikey!”, then wonder when it is finally okay to laugh.
