After last week’s VMAs, Team Firecrotch joined Pee Diddy to hit Manhattan’s circuit of starf*cking orgies after-parties. However, this terrible trio’s champagne-fueled fun came to an abrubt halt outside of Lohan-HQ Bungalow 8, when the New York Fuzz explained that the party was already too full and even Ridiculous Royalty such as themselves would not be granted entrance (a fate usually suffered only by the likes of Tara Reid). Here’s a series of captioned photographs illustrating this tragedy.
The Terrible Trio arrives at the mob scene outside of Bungalow 8 – Paris ready to party and say “hot” a lot, Brandon Davis ready to tell us more about Lindsay Lohan’s red pubic hair, and Diddy ready to film himself doing some weird sh*t later to be posted on YouTube.
After being told by police that the club’s full and she can’t enter, and coming to grips with the devastating realization that someone just told her she can’t do something, Paris gives us a glimpse of overwrought anguish the likes of which we haven’t seen since Sean Penn found out his daughter died in “Mystic River”.
Unable to stand the sight of a blonde girl shedding tears, Pee Diddy gets all up in the grill of the popo’s before remembering how much it sucked last time he got arrested and had to spend several days in court, at which point he wanders off muttering something about how they’ll all be sorry once he purchases the entire New York City Police Department.
His white skin, family oil fortune and utter intoxication leaving him with much less fear of the police, Brandon Davis decides to take matters into his own hands…
…forcing some NYC Firecrotch Marshall to embarassingly kick his ass.
Realizing that her Knights in Shining Armor are little more than coked-up celeb babies incapable of accomplishing anything without the assistance of an entourage eight people deep, Paris crumbles into the arms of a nearby friend, heaving and sobbing onto her shoulder while desperately trying to cope with the hopelessness of this tragedy.
After getting a text message from Joe Francis saying there’s an ultra-exclusive all-night coke party on the Girls Gone Wild bus parked in Times Square, Paris ditches the two douches she came with, heads out into the night on the arm of her new friend, keeps the party train rolling, balance and harmony once again restored to the world.
And we all lived miserably ever after.
THE END
